Letting go, and walking through the grief and guilt

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Thor settles into his new home with Linda

Letting go, and walking through the grief and guilt

This has been a difficult week for me.  I have had my truth tested.  I have always believed that part of loving someone (both two or four legged) is to know when it is best for either or both of you to part ways.  This is proving to be a challenging time.

On Tuesday, I released my cat, Thor, into the custody and care of my dear friend, Linda.  Thor came to me when his previous owner died and no one else wanted to take him.  For over two years, he has ruled the roost here.  It took him a long time, but he finally adapted to the dogs.  However, he had been accustomed to being an “only child”, and with my menagerie, I did not feel I could give him the time and attention he craved.  Linda loved him from the moment she set eyes on him, and hoped she would one day be in a position to take him.  That came together for her this week.  He is a pampered pussy cat once again, and they are already bonded.  I know it is best for him, and yet, I miss his purr in the morning.

I am just about to load up my trailer and deliver two horses to someone who is very excited about having them.  These two have slipped through the cracks at my place and have not been started.  I have found an ideal home for them with an experienced horse person who understands the temperament of Spanish horses and wants to get into the breed and train her own.  Again, a perfect home, and again, I am balancing happiness that they have found a home where they will have the time and attention I can’t give them and sadness in my inability to give them what they need.

I see where this is about several issues coming together for me.

  • Grief in letting creatures that I truly love go,
  • happiness that they are finding wonderful, loving homes
  • guilt that I did not give them what I think they deserved.

I also see where I may be holding myself up to an impossible standard, and where I would share that impression with myself if I were my client.  Lots to think about on the drive to Saskatoon with the horse trailer.


About Author

Jocelyn

Jocelyn Hastie is fiercely committed to serving people who have been affected by traumatic injury or illness: their own, that of their loved ones, or clients/patients. She leads by example, helping people to learn from their challenges and walk into their authenticity and vulnerability and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life. Jocelyn says, “I lived most of my life believing that demonstrating vulnerability made me appear weak or needy and repelled others. As a recent graduate of the school of cancer, I found that people did run when they saw my vulnerability, but they ran towards me instead of away from me.” A CPA/CGA with thirty plus years of business, she has a unique perspective on facing mortality and learning to get out of her own way and accept the love and support from family and friends.

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